I'm afraid she will fail. I'm afraid I'm failing her. I'm afraid for her future. I'm afraid of my present ability to deal with her situation.
It's not often that I stop long enough to have a logical thought pass through my mind when I'm in a state of mothering panic! This particular state has lasted for quite some time when it comes to challenges we face with one of our kids. I have felt so overwhelmed.
In the midst of my mothering panic, I heard a friend speak about fear. It hit me between the eyes like a 2x4 upside the head. I was dealing with fear like I've never experienced. I'm afraid that my child won't find victory over this particular area of hardship for her and I'm scared she will leave here not prepared for the things she will face in the real world.
I'm afraid she will fail. I'm afraid I'm failing her. I'm afraid for her future. I'm afraid of my present ability to deal with her situation. Afraid I may not be enough.
Along with this wave of knowing that I was afraid was the ever subtle Word that came tumbling into my conscious. "For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, of love, and of self-control." 2 Tim 1:7 How swiftly God's Word brings me the much needed calm for my fearful heart.
In the midst of my calm I was finally able to sort out months of fearful thinking and came to several conclusions.
1. I will not let Satan defeat me with fear. He knows where I'm weak. Talk about an area of weakness....mothering. I've never felt so unqualifed. I will CHOOSE to not be afraid. It makes me angry that I've allowed this to happen! I will NOT allow Him to defeat me with fear. My precious daughter needs her parents to operate with a spirit of "power, love, and
2. When I'm not processing my own emotions (fear) I am better able to deal with hers! I remove my blinders and see her clearly. I see her struggles like I've never been able to see them. When I am powerful, loving, and self-controlled in my own emotions, I am free. That's what God's Word does though, isn't it?! It brings such freedom.
3. It's not about my own emotional response to her situations. It's about me giving control of her to God. He cares even more than I do. Having said that, I realize that mothering is a super hands on task :) and can't be prayed away. But, I do have the ability to ask the God of peace to bring to me a spirit of "power, of love, and of self-control."
Stupid devil. He thought he had me. Fearful no more. I will choose to have a spirit of "power, love, and self-control." I also choose to bathe my daughters in prayer. Knowing that The Lord wants to use me to minister to them...but through His Spirit.
How about you? In what areas has fear crept into your mothering?