News feeds have been blowing up with the controversy concerning same sex marriage now being considered by our Supreme Court. This topic is heated and will probably continue to pick up even more steam as the days wear on. What are you telling your kids about this? What's the Bible have to say? What are we as Christians to do in light of the command to show love as Christ did? 

It grieves me to think that people actually believe that they're witnessing by writing such things as "love the sinner, hate the sin" on their Facebook wall. If you posted "love the overeater but hate the food" it would have the same effect. Statements like this do little to help advance the cause of Christ.

Why is it important for Christian parents to have discussions about this matter with our kids? 

1. For this generation of kids homosexuality will be a norm. It's no longer an "in the dark" sort of issue. It's talked about on school playgrounds, pop music, and on television. It's important that we enter into discussion with our kids. We've got to be willing to have these tough discussions. 

2. Christian parents have the God-given responsibility to talk about faith matters at home (see Deuteronomy 6). God calls us as parents to lead in the areas of the discipleship of our children. 

3. It's imperative for kids to see us walk the walk, not just talk the talk. For us to simply say to kids "being homosexual is a sin" and not ever allowing them to interact with God's Word, we're doing them a disservice. We've got to show them how to interpret scripture and how it should affect the way we live; in all areas, not just sexual matters. Kids need to see us as
parents wrestle with spiritual issues and glean understanding after having really interacted with the Word of God. 

Here are some things that we might focus upon as Christian parents:

1. Church must be a safe place for everyone. That means that all sinners alike should feel welcome into the Body. Just because one person struggles in one area does not mean that we treat them any differently. If any demographic of people does not feel welcome in our churches, we've done a  disservice to that particular demographic of people. The Bible clearly speaks against overeating too, are we going to isolate overeaters from feeling welcome in our congregations? 

2. The validity of scripture is the foundation upon which any truth should be found. If we allow our kids to believe the argument that "that part of the Bible is outdated" or "that's not what that scripture means" we are really saying that the entire Bible is open to interpretation. To discount the validity of any piece of scripture negates the validity of all scripture. Teach your kids about the Bible. It's origins, authors, and how to determine its meaning. This is fundamental in teaching your kids to have a Biblical world view. This will shape the way they think about EVERYTHING, not just sexual sins. This is critical to living as a Christian in today's world. 

3. God loves people. As followers of Jesus, we must too. No exceptions. None. Ever. For us to say things like "hate the sin and love the sinner" do not demonstrate that love. Being a friend to someone who is homosexual does. 

4. When we speak truth, others will assume what we say is hateful. Just know it. Teach your kids that in taking a stand in this matter  (according to scripture) they will be seen as "intolerant" or even "hateful." God's Word also says that He detests lukewarm Christians (Rev. 3:16). We can't be wishy- washy on the things of God. In taking the Biblical stance, you may
distance yourself. Whether you're seen as wrong or intolerant, love people, all people, anyways. 

5. God designed sex. As with any of His creation, He also gave us guidelines concerning them. Homosexuality isn't the only way a person misuses God's gift of sex. 

God has called us to have tough discussions with our kids. Sometimes this is uncomfortable. Be ok with that. 

Teach them to love and value the Word of God by the way that you live. Demonstrate for them that you go to it for wisdom and direction in your daily life. Teach them it should dictate the way we view all issues in our world, not just homosexuality. 

The lights suddenly went out. It was close to midnight. Of course my mind instantly went into "there must be an axe murderer in my woods who has snipped my power lines" mode. 

The sirens and lights got closer to my house and stopped in front of my driveway. As we peered out the window like most curious rednecks in the country, we saw there were people in the road. Assuming there had been an accident, we went outside to assess the situation. 
 
A power line, transformer, and a mangled car were on the edge of property. Because there were downed power lines, we knew we couldn't get close to the car that had careened into a utility pole at 50 mph causing it to split and, as a result, down a transformer which was now leaking some sort of mystery liquid. 

I talked with the two girls in the road who had witnessed the accident. They'd been down the road behind the driver. They were safe. We talked to the obviously intoxicated driver of the car and assured him that help was on the way. 

As I stared into the car with broken out windows and deployed airbags, I was suddenly struck with the thought that I knew this kid. The more I looked at him, no longer a kid, the more convinced I became. Yes, I had had this now young man in my Children's Ministry years ago. 
 
My heart broke as the realization of the trouble that he faced hit me. He had been on probation and now this? He kept shouting the words, "my life is so #*&*! up." I was broken with the thought that this man felt he had no hope. 

The mom in me wanted to get him a blanket to keep warm. The Pastor in me wanted to talk to him and remind him that he did have hope. I was able to do neither because the scene was flooded with emergency personnel. I would never get the chance.

I was heartbroken as the burden I carried for this young man would haunt me for days to come. I want to tell him he has hope, I want to remind him that Jesus loves him. 

One thought has stuck with me since that night. Children's Ministry often is the "gateway" through which people enter our churches. They are often there for just that season. If we've effectively ministered to them throughout that time, we may earn the privilege of ministering to them in the future when they will need a message of hope. We may be called upon to conduct wedding services for "kids" we've had in our mnistries. We never know. 

The seed had been planted years ago, I now hope to continue to nurture it in some way. He needs to know there is hope. It's my privilege to share that hope with him. 

How can we continue relationships that start with a child into the future? 

1. Invite them to serve as they become members of the youth group. Oftentimes, these "kids" will stick around. 
 
2. Maintain an "online" presence in their lives. Facebook is great for this sort of thing. 

3. As the Lord brings these "kids" to mind, pray for them and let them know you did that via text, email, FB message, etc. 
 
These relationships matter. 

How about you? In what ways have you seen Children's Ministry as a "gateway" through which people enter your church, if only for a season? 
 


 

When parents bring their kids to church, they are often hoping that we will fill them spiritually. Parents are usually confident in our abilities and are expecting us to lead the way when it comes to the training and spiritual development of their kids. As I consider this approach to ministry, I'm reminded of the words of Jesus found in the gospels "You feed them." 
 
Of the commands that Jesus gave to others while He walked this earth, perhaps one of the most extreme was on the day that He fed 5000+ people with five loaves of bread and two fish. As the crowds gathered and time began passing, it became apparent that those present would soon begin to grow hungry. As the disciples surveyed the situation, as you and I in ministry often do (assessing needs) they realized that they had a problem. 
 
Presenting the need to Jesus, they were rocked by His answer "You give them something to eat." (Matthew 14:16) Can you imagine their shock? The disciples were probably confused by His answer. "Wait a minute, you're the one who performs miracles," or "You're the one in charge here, You do something." 

As leaders in Family Ministry, we're called to equip parents to feed their children at home. Just like the disciples may have felt that day, they often feel overwhelmed by this charge. What can we do to encourage parents in this role? 

Insecurities. Address their insecurities. Many times we need to know that we're every bit qualified to lead. Sometimes we just need someone else to tell us that we're capable. What can you do to affirm parents in their role as spiritual leaders in their home? Give them the confidence to know that they're highly qualified to "feed" their families.

Inventory. Jesus asked the disciples to inventory the crowd to see what was available. Help parents inventory their families constantly to determine needs. Parents many times gain mastery over a certain phase that their kids are going through only to be met with "now what?" when the next phase begins. Teach parents to be vigilant and give them tools and resources to encourage them in whatever phase they're in. (Give them books/articles on parenting toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, etc)  

Impossible: Jesus took what seemed to be an impossible situation and transformed it into something that was more than enough (12 baskets full left over). When parents are faithful, they are trusting God with what feels impossible at times. Encourage parents to stay the course, no matter how tired and discouraged they will become. Show them that God is the God of the impossible. 

How do you make Jesus' command "you feed them" practical in your ministry? In what ways can you help them take inventory, address their insecurities, and trust in what seems to be impossible? 
 

Wow, Goff, Thomas, and Trevathan hit the nail on the head with this one. "Intentional Parenting" is full of practical advice from those who have been ministering through counseling for many years. I found their wisdom relevant, timely, and inspiring. 

The challeng to parents throughout the piece is to be intentional (thus, the title!). The book challenges parents to take their parenting through the next level by parenting proactively, rather than reactively. 

The book is full of practical examples that underscore the point being made. Each chapter could stand alone but compliments the others well. 

One of the major points throughout the book is that God wants parents to partner with Him. In so doing, He will guide parents. I found the book to be encouraging from this standpoint. It talked often of extending grace to yourself as a parent, to not feel the need to always be perfect. "There is no "right" in parenting. there's no "highly successful" or "perfect" for parents or children........Parenting is not meant to cripple me with insufficiency but to lead me to Gods sufficiency. Parenting is so much less about me and so much more about God." Talk about taking the pressure off of us parents!

I have a family ministry and this book was packed full of practical bits of wisdom that I was able to share with those who follow my ministry. This will definitely be listed as a must read when parents ask my opinion. 

I would recommend this book highly to anyone with children of any age. The useful information and tools given are ready to be implemented in any family situation. I will reference this book many times in days to come.

Coming in from the garage with a rather guilty look on her face and her hands behind her back, I knew where my then three year old had been and what she'd been doing. The "eyes in the back of my head" that I'd been gifted as a mom were on high alert and I knew something was amiss. 
 
"What are you doing?" I asked knowing full well that she had been in the garage sneaking a hidden candy stash. Without missing a beat, my little dark eyed pixie looked up at me and exclaimed, "I came in to give you a hug, Mommy." I knew in that moment that I was dealing with a gifted liar! 
 
Sometimes I focus upon change rather than transformation. In order to correct this behavior in my daughter, it became evident that change was not what was needed. Change would correct the behaviors. Transformation would make over her heart.

Change can be a short term solution. Oftentimes when one of my kids is struggling with something, I just want change. It's often more immediate. I also have more control over change.  Change is forced upon us. Kids can alter their behavior based upon what is at stake for them. 

Transformation is a long term remedy that is much more difficult most of the time. When I seek transformation in the lives of my kids I am seeking a heart make over. I am trusting that my kids will allow the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts to truly transform them to be more like Jesus. Transformation is deeply personal. When the hearts of my kids are transformed it's because they've done the work, not because they're in danger of being grounded. 
 
Like a caterpillar entering into its cocoon to undergo true transformation, I want my kids to be transformed into a new creation each time there is a character issue that needs addressing. 
 
Ways to encourage transformation: 
 
Seek scripture: Begin at an early age to memorize scripture as a family. Teach them to love the Word of God and to love its contents. 
 
Actively involve them in prayer: prayer time is not limited to just meals. Teaching kids to pray for their needs is caught because you've taught it. When you're in need of asking for God's forgiveness for something, do so and let you kids witness this. Teach them to listen during times of prayer too. Showing them how to be sensitive to the still, small voice of God will benefit them the rest of their lives. 
 
 Use everyday situations to bring faith into conversation: is there a rainbow that's coloring your sky? Talk about how God loves to give us beautiful things. Conversations that point out the personal nature of a loving God will teach kids that God loves them. Transformation will occur when kids have a heart full of love and want to please God. 

Keep them in church. Kids are bombarded with negative messages all week long. Keep them grounded and growing in a healthy group of believers. 
 
How about you? Are you tempted to work towards change in the lives of your kids because it's quicker or because you have more control over it? What do you do to ensure that you kids will become transformed rather than merely changed?