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A site all about Family & Children's Ministry

How Christian Parents Can Address the Hot-button Homosexual News of Today

3/28/2013

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News feeds have been blowing up with the controversy concerning same sex marriage now being considered by our Supreme Court. This topic is heated and will probably continue to pick up even more steam as the days wear on. What are you telling your kids about this? What's the Bible have to say? What are we as Christians to do in light of the command to show love as Christ did? 

It grieves me to think that people actually believe that they're witnessing by writing such things as "love the sinner, hate the sin" on their Facebook wall. If you posted "love the overeater but hate the food" it would have the same effect. Statements like this do little to help advance the cause of Christ.

Why is it important for Christian parents to have discussions about this matter with our kids? 

1. For this generation of kids homosexuality will be a norm. It's no longer an "in the dark" sort of issue. It's talked about on school playgrounds, pop music, and on television. It's important that we enter into discussion with our kids. We've got to be willing to have these tough discussions. 

2. Christian parents have the God-given responsibility to talk about faith matters at home (see Deuteronomy 6). God calls us as parents to lead in the areas of the discipleship of our children. 

3. It's imperative for kids to see us walk the walk, not just talk the talk. For us to simply say to kids "being homosexual is a sin" and not ever allowing them to interact with God's Word, we're doing them a disservice. We've got to show them how to interpret scripture and how it should affect the way we live; in all areas, not just sexual matters. Kids need to see us as
parents wrestle with spiritual issues and glean understanding after having really interacted with the Word of God. 

Here are some things that we might focus upon as Christian parents:

1. Church must be a safe place for everyone. That means that all sinners alike should feel welcome into the Body. Just because one person struggles in one area does not mean that we treat them any differently. If any demographic of people does not feel welcome in our churches, we've done a  disservice to that particular demographic of people. The Bible clearly speaks against overeating too, are we going to isolate overeaters from feeling welcome in our congregations? 

2. The validity of scripture is the foundation upon which any truth should be found. If we allow our kids to believe the argument that "that part of the Bible is outdated" or "that's not what that scripture means" we are really saying that the entire Bible is open to interpretation. To discount the validity of any piece of scripture negates the validity of all scripture. Teach your kids about the Bible. It's origins, authors, and how to determine its meaning. This is fundamental in teaching your kids to have a Biblical world view. This will shape the way they think about EVERYTHING, not just sexual sins. This is critical to living as a Christian in today's world. 

3. God loves people. As followers of Jesus, we must too. No exceptions. None. Ever. For us to say things like "hate the sin and love the sinner" do not demonstrate that love. Being a friend to someone who is homosexual does. 

4. When we speak truth, others will assume what we say is hateful. Just know it. Teach your kids that in taking a stand in this matter  (according to scripture) they will be seen as "intolerant" or even "hateful." God's Word also says that He detests lukewarm Christians (Rev. 3:16). We can't be wishy- washy on the things of God. In taking the Biblical stance, you may
distance yourself. Whether you're seen as wrong or intolerant, love people, all people, anyways. 

5. God designed sex. As with any of His creation, He also gave us guidelines concerning them. Homosexuality isn't the only way a person misuses God's gift of sex. 

God has called us to have tough discussions with our kids. Sometimes this is uncomfortable. Be ok with that. 

Teach them to love and value the Word of God by the way that you live. Demonstrate for them that you go to it for wisdom and direction in your daily life. Teach them it should dictate
the way we view all issues in our world, not just homosexuality. 
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How Your KidMin is a Gateway to Church

3/28/2013

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One thought has stuck with me since that night. Children's Ministry often is the "gateway" through which people enter our churches. They are often there for just that season. If we've effectively ministered to them throughout that time, we may earn the privilege of ministering to them in the future when they will need a message of hope.

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The lights suddenly went out. It was close to midnight. Of course my mind instantly went into "there must be an axe murderer in my woods who has snipped my power lines" mode. 

The sirens and lights got closer to my house and stopped in front of my driveway. As we peered out the window like most curious rednecks in the country, we saw there were people in the road. Assuming there had been an accident, we went outside to assess the situation. 
 
A power line, transformer, and a mangled car were on the edge of property. Because there were downed power lines, we knew we couldn't get close to the car that had careened into a utility pole at 50 mph causing it to split and, as a result, down a transformer which was now leaking some sort of mystery liquid. 

I talked with the two girls in the road who had witnessed the accident. They'd been down the road behind the driver. They were safe. We talked to the obviously intoxicated driver of the car and assured him that help was on the way. 

As I stared into the car with broken out windows and deployed airbags, I was suddenly struck with the thought that I knew this kid. The more I looked at him, no longer a kid, the more convinced I became. Yes, I had had this now young man in my Children's Ministry years ago. 
 
My heart broke as the realization of the trouble that he faced hit me. He had been on probation and now this? He kept shouting the words, "my life is so #*&*! up." I was broken with the thought that this man felt he had no hope. 

The mom in me wanted to get him a blanket to keep warm. The Pastor in me wanted to talk to him and remind him that he did have hope. I was able to do neither because the scene was flooded with emergency personnel. I would never get the chance.

I was heartbroken as the burden I carried for this young man would haunt me for days to come. I want to tell him he has hope, I want to remind him that Jesus loves him. 

One thought has stuck with me since that night. Children's Ministry often is the "gateway" through which people enter our churches. They are often there for just that season. If we've effectively ministered to them throughout that time, we may earn the privilege of ministering to them in the future when they will need a message of hope. We may be called upon to conduct wedding services for "kids" we've had in our mnistries. We never know. 

The seed had been planted years ago, I now hope to continue to nurture it in some way. He needs to know there is hope. It's my privilege to share that hope with him. 

How can we continue relationships that start with a child into the future? 

1. Invite them to serve as they become members of the youth group. Oftentimes, these "kids" will stick around. 
 
2. Maintain an "online" presence in their lives. Facebook is great for this sort of thing. 

3. As the Lord brings these "kids" to mind, pray for them and let them know you did that via text, email, FB message, etc. 
 
These relationships matter. 

How about you? In what ways have you seen Children's Ministry as a "gateway" through which people enter your church, if only for a season? 
 


 
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Schedule Ninja

3/27/2013

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"Until the gospel drives even our scheduling priorities,  families will continue to default to the values of the culture around them, and parents will remain too busy to engage in intentional discipleship with their children." Timothy Paul Jones ("Family Ministry Field Guide")
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Homework, sports leagues, music rehearsals, and overnighters with friends have taken a hit on the American family. We're busier than ever and have run ourselves ragged. 

In his book, "Family Ministry Field Guide" Timothy Paul Jones makes this statement, "Until the gospel drives even our scheduling priorities, families will continue to default to the values of the culture around them, and parents will remain too busy to engage in intentional discipleship with their children. (105) He then goes on to ask "So how can your ministry help parents rethink their family's priorities in light of the gospel?"

As a church we have Sunday morning services, youth committee meetings, mid-week ministries, small group Bible studies, musical rehearsals, Sunday School classes, sporting ministries, and countless events/programs/ministries that we've added because we're trying to better the family. 

Are we adding to the problem? It seems that without intending to do so, in some ways, yes. 

In order to demonstrate for families that discipleship at home important, we've got to "do less so they can do more." (Jones, 105)

How are we to practically achieve this? S.L.O.W. down!  

SCHEDULE NINJA:
Schedule meetings, Bible Studies, parent education, etc. as much as possible on one day at the same time. Have a group of teachers that need trained? How about training them during Sunday School time when they would normally have blocked out time? Run youth, kids, and adult ministries and meetings at the same time. 
 
LOWER YOUR OFFERINGS:
Early on in ministry, I thought that adding more was a sure way to bring more people in. After all, if I had more for them from which to choose, I'd be more likely to bring more in, right? Well, in some ways but it also became apparent that I'd kill any volunteer staff and myself in the mean time. Offer ministries ONLY that intentionally contribute to the vision statement and strategy that your ministry has. Less really is more.

ONE DAY PER WEEK SACRED:
Ask all church staff to designate one night per week as sacred, family time. If everyone agrees to not schedule events on those nights, you're communicating to the families in your Family Ministry that time at home is valuable. 
 
WEIGH NEEDS:
Many times we plan events and ministries because they sound fun or because someone else has seen great success, or even because it's trendy. Determine the real needs in your community. If your  community already has a great sporting program, does your church need to have their own ministry? How about finding a way that you can support the one that's already in place? 

How about you? In what ways does the church contribute to the business of families? What can you do to help safeguard that time on behalf of the families that you serve?

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Momma's Monday Madness--Sometimes I'd Rather Be Their Friend

3/25/2013

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I found myself thinking "it would be so much easier to just say
"ok"." I like peace. I like it when everyone gets along. I like it when my kids
think I'm ok and great to be with
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"How's it look, Mom?" Said my pre-teen daughter as she emerged from the dressing room. Wow. Truth is, she looked really good. My daughter has always looked older than her age and, as all kids do, she often tries to push the envelope when it comes to wearing things that make her look even older.

I really wanted to tell her that she really did look super cute, that the outfit looked great on her. Instead, I found myself saying, "well, I think we'd better go a different direction." With a look of indignation she spun around on her heel and stormed back into the dressing room. 
 
I found myself thinking "it would be so much easier to just say "ok"." I like peace. I like it when everyone gets along. I like it when my kids think I'm ok and great to be with. 

God didn't call me to be their BFF. He called me to be their mom. Sometimes I'd rather be their friend. 

My daughters are in an ongoing battle with the world. The world tells them they've got to look smaller. The world tells them that the only thing that matters is the way they look. The world tells them that they really deserve to have things their way. The problem is that each one of these lies is contrary to what God would have my daughters to believe. 
 
So, I hunker down and prepare for battle. I know the battle is important. I know the battle is mine to fight. I know that I won't be liked. 
 
I'm ok with that. 

In those moments I remind myself......

1. This is about the long-haul, not about this moment. I've never enjoyed the saying about life being a marathon and not a sprint. I'm a sprinter. It's hard for me to think long term. I must remind myself that the decisions I make now are about the future. Not this moment. 
 
2. This too shall pass.  The fact that my middle daughter glares at me as we pass an expensive store with jeans that she so desperately wants today will be replaced by the fact that I won't buy her lipstick at 12. 
 
3. It's a battle worth fighting. To be their friend gains me a temporary peace. It's like winning the battle but not the war. I've got to focus upon the war. 

4. I will be held accountable for the way I've raised my kids. God has entrusted to me these beautiful daughters. I must remember that all good things are worth working for. 

I can't get too tired.

I can't get too discouraged.

I can't find myself too defeated and opt into friend mode. It will one day be worth the eyeball-rolling frustrated comments I receive today.

How about you? Are you ever tempted to be your child's friend? What sorts of things do you do to ensure that you focus upon being the parent? 


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You Feed Them--Jesus' Command to Parents

3/21/2013

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As I consider this approach to ministry, I'm reminded of the words of Jesus found in the gospels "You feed them."

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When parents bring their kids to church, they are often hoping that we will fill them spiritually. Parents are usually confident in our abilities and are expecting us to lead the way when it comes to the training and spiritual development of their kids. As I consider this approach to ministry, I'm reminded of the words of Jesus found in the gospels "You feed them." 
 
Of the commands that Jesus gave to others while He walked this earth, perhaps one of the most extreme was on the day that He fed 5000+ people with five loaves of bread and two fish. As the crowds gathered and time began passing, it became apparent that those present would soon begin to grow hungry. As the disciples surveyed the situation, as you and I in ministry often do (assessing needs) they realized that they had a problem. 
 
Presenting the need to Jesus, they were rocked by His answer "You give them something to eat." (Matthew 14:16) Can you imagine their shock? The disciples were probably confused by His answer. "Wait a minute, you're the one who performs miracles," or "You're the one in charge here, You do something." 

As leaders in Family Ministry, we're called to equip parents to feed their children at home. Just like the disciples may have felt that day, they often feel overwhelmed by this charge. What can we do to encourage parents in this role? 

Insecurities. Address their insecurities. Many times we need to know that we're every bit qualified to lead. Sometimes we just need someone else to tell us that we're capable. What can you do to affirm parents in their role as spiritual leaders in their home? Give them the confidence to know that they're highly qualified to "feed" their families.

Inventory. Jesus asked the disciples to inventory the crowd to see what was available. Help parents inventory their families constantly to determine needs. Parents many times gain mastery over a certain phase that their kids are going through only to be met with "now what?" when the next phase begins. Teach parents to be vigilant and give them tools and resources to encourage them in whatever phase they're in. (Give them books/articles on parenting toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, etc)  

Impossible: Jesus took what seemed to be an impossible situation and transformed it into something that was more than enough (12 baskets full left over). When parents are faithful, they are trusting God with what feels impossible at times. Encourage parents to stay the course, no matter how tired and discouraged they will become. Show them that God is the God of the impossible. 

How do you make Jesus' command "you feed them" practical in your ministry? In what ways can you help them take inventory, address their insecurities, and trust in what seems to be impossible? 
 


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How to Lead in #KidMin or #FamMin if You're Not a Parent Yourself

3/20/2013

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It used to frustrate me when parents would say to me, "Oh just wait until you're a parent." I felt as though they were discounting all of my abilities as a leader
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When I first began in Children's Ministry I was a young, wet behind the ears know it all. I had, after all, been studying and learning as much as possible about preparing for ministry. Wasn't that all that was needed? A head full of knowledge was hardly what the parents in my  ministry was hoping that I brought to the table. 
 
It used to frustrate me when parents would say to me, "Oh just wait until you're a parent." I felt as though they were discounting all of my abilities as a leader. My pride took a hit. Realistically, I could do nothing about the fact that I was not, at the time, a parent. 
 
In hindsight, I know that many of these comments really were true and had value. Having kids does change your perspective, as does any life altering experience. As you parent as well as Family Ministry Pastor, you become a different leader. Here are some things I wish I had known:

1. Find ways to partner with parents rather than trying to prove your abilities. I wasted a lot of time trying to prove myself as a leader. I was confident in my gifts, abilities, and calling but really felt the need to prove that I did have knowledge even though I wasn't a parent. Instead, I wish I had spent time trying to find ways to allow myself to be vulnerable and seek a partnership with parents. Make sure that you have involved parents in leadership roles as you make decisions. You need to hear what they have to say. 
 
2. Read parenting books. It's always helpful to read about what you don't know. Parenting isn't all book knowledge, we know that. When you hear a parent struggling with an issue that you just read about it would be great if you could refer them to that resource. This shows parents that you're trying to learn about which you may not already know.

3. Engage in conversations with parents: Perhaps one of the best things you can do is find out what concerns parents most. What are their struggles? What sorts of resources could you provide them to show them that you care about them as parents? 

4. Admit that you don't know it all. Be vulnerable and admit openly that you don't know all about parenting. That's ok. Each of us lacks knowledge in areas in which we cannot relate. I don't know what it's like to be a male in ministry. It's ok to admit that, yes because you are not yet a parent, there are things you don't know about parenting. Equip parents with newsletters regarding parenting pieces you've read or blast a text message to your parents with some pertinent parenting info. Always cite your source, of course. 
 
5. Assume the best. In ministry and life people tend to point out the things that separate us. Don't give in to negative thought patterns that will undermine your ability as a leader. Lead as the Lord leads you. Make yourself a servant to anyone who questions your skills and abilities. Think like Jesus did when His credibility was brought into question. 

The truth of the matter is that if it's not this subject, it will be another. If you have children, you can't understand what it's like to have five children. If you have boys, you'll never understand what it's like to have girls, etc.
 
How about you? Did you ever feel that you had to work to prove yourself because you didn't have your own children? Is this you now? What have you done/what do you do now to make the most of this season in life and ministry?

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Book Review--Intentional Parenting

3/19/2013

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Wow, Goff, Thomas, and Trevathan hit the nail on the head with this one. "Intentional Parenting" is full of practical advice from those who have been ministering through counseling for many years. I found their wisdom relevant, timely, and inspiring. 

The challeng to parents throughout the piece is to be intentional (thus, the title!). The book challenges parents to take their parenting through the next level by parenting proactively, rather than reactively. 

The book is full of practical examples that underscore the point being made. Each chapter could stand alone but compliments the others well. 

One of the major points throughout the book is that God wants parents to partner with Him. In so doing, He will guide parents. I found the book to be encouraging from this standpoint. It talked often of extending grace to yourself as a parent, to not feel the need to always be perfect. "There is no "right" in parenting. there's no "highly successful" or "perfect" for parents or children........Parenting is not meant to cripple me with insufficiency but to lead me to Gods sufficiency. Parenting is so much less about me and so much more about God." Talk about taking the pressure off of us parents!

I have a family ministry and this book was packed full of practical bits of wisdom that I was able to share with those who follow my ministry. This will definitely be listed as a must read when parents ask my opinion. 

I would recommend this book highly to anyone with children of any age. The useful information and tools given are ready to be implemented in any family situation. I will reference this book many times in days to come.

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Momma's Monday Madness-Sometimes I'm Focused Upon Change

3/18/2013

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"A butterfly is a transformation, not a better caterpillar." Chris McGoff ("The Primes")
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Coming in from the garage with a rather guilty look on her face and her hands behind her back, I knew where my then three year old had been and what she'd been doing. The "eyes in the back of my head" that I'd been gifted as a mom were on high alert and I knew something was amiss. 
 
"What are you doing?" I asked knowing full well that she had been in the garage sneaking a hidden candy stash. Without missing a beat, my little dark eyed pixie looked up at me and exclaimed, "I came in to give you a hug, Mommy." I knew in that moment that I was dealing with a gifted liar! 
 
Sometimes I focus upon change rather than transformation. In order to correct this behavior in my daughter, it became evident that change was not what was needed. Change would correct the behaviors. Transformation would make over her heart.

Change can be a short term solution. Oftentimes when one of my kids is struggling with something, I just want change. It's often more immediate. I also have more control over change.  Change is forced upon us. Kids can alter their behavior based upon what is at stake for them. 

Transformation is a long term remedy that is much more difficult most of the time. When I seek transformation in the lives of my kids I am seeking a heart make over. I am trusting that my kids will allow the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts to truly transform them to be more like Jesus. Transformation is deeply personal. When the hearts of my kids are transformed it's because they've done the work, not because they're in danger of being grounded. 
 
Like a caterpillar entering into its cocoon to undergo true transformation, I want my kids to be transformed into a new creation each time there is a character issue that needs addressing. 
 
Ways to encourage transformation: 
 
Seek scripture: Begin at an early age to memorize scripture as a family. Teach them to love the Word of God and to love its contents. 
 
Actively involve them in prayer: prayer time is not limited to just meals. Teaching kids to pray for their needs is caught because you've taught it. When you're in need of asking for God's forgiveness for something, do so and let you kids witness this. Teach them to listen during times of prayer too. Showing them how to be sensitive to the still, small voice of God will benefit them the rest of their lives. 
 
 Use everyday situations to bring faith into conversation: is there a rainbow that's coloring your sky? Talk about how God loves to give us beautiful things. Conversations that point out the personal nature of a loving God will teach kids that God loves them. Transformation will occur when kids have a heart full of love and want to please God. 

Keep them in church. Kids are bombarded with negative messages all week long. Keep them grounded and growing in a healthy group of believers. 
 
How about you? Are you tempted to work towards change in the lives of your kids because it's quicker or because you have more control over it? What do you do to ensure that you kids will become transformed rather than merely changed?
 
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My Ministry Competes Against So Much

3/15/2013

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I was left thinking of the kids in my ministry who step through my doors on Sunday mornings. They come to me with many distractions. They have a million other things that are clamoring for their attention.
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On a cold Indiana February evening, I had the privilege of observing a warm, Florida sunset. It was one of the most magical experiences I'd ever had in viewing a sunset. The atmosphere at Mallory Square in Key West, Florida is not just one to observe, but is an experience. A festive experience created each night as the sun appears to be swallowed into the sea like clock-work every evening. 

Thousands of tourists and locals gather each evening to create this celebratory atmosphere. As you walk upon the boardwalk you are treated to acts ranging from the dangerous unicyclist juggling knives to the musician who enhances the sunset experience as he croons tropical melodies that remind you you're on vacation. 

The number of acts that lined the boardwalk were many. Each one went to great lengths to gather a crowd or grab the attention of a passerby. Could you elevate your act into the air so more could see? Could you have a better sound system so as to attract a larger group? Maybe your act could border on gross and people were going to watch just out of disbelief. 
 
All of these amazing acts. So much from which to choose. The excitement in that place is so real. The environment is lively and the people, lighthearted. It seemed that each person is drawn towards something for even just a few moments. The distractions are numerous and the acts performed, captivating. It seemed that for a few moments no one remembers the
sunset.

The one thing that had united us. The one reason we gathered had been forgotten in light of all of the distraction.  

I was left thinking of the kids in my Family Ministry who step through my doors on Sunday mornings. They come to me with many distractions. They have a million other things that are clamoring for their attention. Things that excite them and things that may scare or sadden them. 
 
I want to show them the Son and they're distracted by so many other things. What can I do?

I do just like the sunset. I continue to show up. I continue to faithfully display the majesty of the Son and know that it's warmth will, at the appropriate time, draw these precious ones to itself. 
 
In the end it really is no competition. The sun does it's thing and all else ceases. The main act is the sun and all are drawn to its beauty. Nothing else matters for a moment. 

May the same be said of those who enter into my doors of ministry. In the midst of a myriad of things shouting for their attention, may they be drawn to the warmth of the Son because I've lifted Him up day after day. This is a worthy spectacle. 

Do you ever feel like the kids in your Family Ministry or Children's Ministry are so distracted by the things of the world? What practical things do you do to show them Jesus on a regular basis?

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Give Them More Without Adding More--How to Develop the Parents in Your FamMin

3/12/2013

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In the midst crazy busy schedules that demand the attention of our families, how will we add one more thing to their already full plates? We've got to intentionally plan to connect with parents on a quarterly basis. 
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The more we learn about Family Ministry, the more value we place on the relationships with parents in our ministry. How can we continue to foster this relationship while showing support, encouraging, and equipping these parents? 

In the midst crazy busy schedules that demand the attention of our families, how will we add one more thing to their already full plates? We've got to intentionally plan to connect with parents on a quarterly basis. This won't happen on accident. If we can touch the lives of each parent quarterly, we will see the fruits of our labor as parents learn to minister in their homes. 
 
1. Plan. Begin with the end in mind. Sit down in November and plan the following calendar year. Deliberately plan 4 "events" over the next year that will enhance/equip parents in their role as spiritual leaders. 
 
2. Aim for 25% at each scheduled "event." In my early ministry days (and because I'm a perfectionist), I felt something was a failure that did not receive 100% participation from the families in my ministry. If I can aim to effectively influence 25% at a time, and do it well, I'll consider this a success. I can't possibly expect to include each family each time. I give myself
as leader grace.

3. Don't add more to already bogged down schedules. Plan these events when parents will already be at the church. Sundays during Sunday School  or a mid-week meeting often work well.


4. Level the playing field. Allow parents the opportunity to share. Many times parents feel as if they're the only ones not leading spiritually at home. Or, perhaps they feel under-qualified to be doing so. Make sure your event allows parents the freedom to share. In so doing, other parents will realize how much they all have in common. 
 
5. After your "event" send hand-written thank you notes. When you say thanks for attending, you let them know how important this really was and the next time they will remember how valuable their time investment proved to be. It also reminds parents that you, the leader, noticed them. 
 
The investment of time on the part of parents has to include a large return. Make sure that whatever you do is quality, done with excellence, and equips parents to further God's Kingdom at home. Pray how God would use you to reach the parents in your ministry on a regular basis. Looking for ideas to make this practical? http://www.imaginefamilyministries.com/2/post/2013/03/practical-ways-to-equip-parents-in-your-fammin.html

How about you? What sorts of things do you do to intentionally pour into the lives of the families in your ministry? 


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    About Me

    Jill Waltz
    I blog about Children's Ministry, Family Ministry, Leadership, and parenting. 
    #kidmin 

    #fammin
    I'm a children's pastor who is doing what I know I was designed to do. I love to encourage others who are in ministry.  The things you'll read on here are the things I'd share with you over a cup of coffee as we swap ideas and share the victories and frustrations of ministry. 

    I am the Children's Pastor at the Anderson First Church of the Nazarene. The views and opinions expressed here are my own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Anderson First Church.

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